I Want More

Lately, through my endeavors in college, I have been considering rearing away from pre-medical studies. This thinking has consumed me, because, as we all know, I am one to overthink everything and make things seem much more dramatic than they truly are. I’ve heard the, “oh you’ll change your major at least once before you figure out what you really want to do,” and I am not doubting that a bit. But after all my consideration thus far, I think about the path I want to take in life, and I think this might be it. I want to go to medical school.

What I have realized this past year is that the pre-requisites for medical school are hard. Hard because of the material, the rigorous work, and (not to mention) the way big universities try to “weed out” the weak. I would be lying if I said aspiring to be a doctor was easy—I don’t think anyone has ever described it as “easy.” If anything, it is one of the more difficult paths that takes much much more than solely intelligence, work ethic, or pure ability.

But the more I think about my life and my future, I constantly find myself wanting more, and that is more. At least it is for me.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to call it quits. I’ll be honest with you, every single lab report I wrote in chemistry could have been titled “Experiment ###: How Much More Can I Take?” Because after every single lab—every grueling TA-run unorganized three hours—I wanted to call it quits. I am overwhelmed. It is freaking hard.

I would think to myself…I could choose an easier path. I could simply obtain a bachelor’s degree and live my life. Forget Organic Chemistry or Calculus. I could find my way around them, and I’d turn out all right. Hell, there are pretty okay jobs out there that don’t even require a four year degree. The “C’s get degrees” mentality is one I have always wished I could have. But, in all honesty, that’s just not enough for me.

When I think about my classes, yeah, I know they are difficult. But how bored would I be if they weren’t? How good is obtaining a goal that I knew I could achieve from the very beginning?

Mark my words, please don’t read take the impression that I am extremely conceited and full of myself. In no way do I mean that I am just incredibly smart and getting a bachelor’s degree is a piece of cake—I know for a fact that it is much harder than it looks, and I’m just an average joe kid from southeastern KY. (And by all means, I’m only in my first year, so I could totally be talking out my butt and flunk the next three years …) I definitely do not think I am “better” than anyone because of what I think I can endure or because of my view on life.

What I am saying is that, in my mind, this is something that I am confident that I can do…so why not go further? Why not do more? What is the point of setting a goal that you know you will achieve? Why stop there?

Why not go through a pre-med track? Why not go to medical school? Why not try for my dream job?

Of course, it will be challenging. But I believe that any dream is challenging—not just mine. What we have to keep reminding ourselves is that challenging is also possibleThat, I believe, is what motivates us to continue.

When I imagine my life in the future, I can’t imagine not trying to go for what’s next. I can’t imagine having the opportunity to keep going and to just turn it down. Not just in education, but in everything. For example, I can’t imagine never pushing myself to be a better student, or (eventually) co-worker, or wife, or mother…

While I am known for being too hard on myself, I just don’t think I could be any other way. Of course, when all is said and done, there are things that we simply cannot control and must accept. That is a life lesson that I am still learning to this day. But in the midst of what I can control, I think I’m going to try to do my very best.

I want more from the world than what is given to me, and I am going to do my damnedest to get my fair share of it.

Thanks for reading,

Yin

Any thoughts? Leave them in the comments below because I would love to hear them! I was inspired to write this after having a lengthy conversation about the future with my cousin. It’s 6AM, so I might be rambling on. I am still growing as a writer, and would love any input. Thanks again!

Between 13 and 30

The more I think about what I want to be when I grow up—who are we kidding, I am pretty much a “grown up” now—the more I realize how much I am still a child. I like the simple things. I don’t like going to the doctor alone, and I still thoroughly enjoy trips to the zoo. When did I get to be almost 20? Now for those of you over 20, I’m not calling you old. I suppose this is a sort of late-teenage crisis. I feel like my life is just flying past me, and all I ever want to do is stay up late and eat popsicles. (Wouldn’t that be the job of a lifetime if I could get paid to do that?) Of course, I like to pretend to be older to. I like to swipe my credit card (maybe a little too much) at the store. I like planning fancy vacations.I still think its cool to have checks with my name printed on them. Grown up life sounds kinda fun… But it is in no comparison is it to being a kid. And I’m not quite sure if I’m ready to make the transition.

Yin at the Cincinnati Zoo
Here’s a picture of me at the Cincinnati Zoo posing as an African Painted Dog—need I say more?

I practically beg Eric every free day to take me to Newport Aquarium to walk over Shark Bridge—honestly, does that not just sound awesome? He takes me to the zoo every chance he gets. Maybe I’m indulging in these “child-like” things because I’m afraid I’ll never get them back. When is the next appropriate age to go to Disney World and meet the princesses? When I have kids and have to take them myself? Then I have to share…I want a picture with Mulan all to myself, okay? I mean…I’m sure I’ll love my kids, but seriously… I am constantly finding myself in between ages. Between ages 13 and 30…I’m usually the only one that age attending all these “kid” events. But when do you really get too old to fly kites at Jacobson Park during the kite festival? I mean really… I don’t like growing up. I still want good ole’ fashioned birthday parties with balloons and ice cream cake—I don’t want some fancy sit down restaurant so some random waitstaff can sing to me. I don’t even know those people.

I still like going to the park and just breathing in the sun. I like riding my bike down hills as fast as I can, and playing in the rain sounds awesome! But I’m sure that all the younger kids in the neighborhood would probably question my sanity, which totally isn’t fair. I still like to the go pet store to look at the puppies and cats. I still fancy a double scooped ice cream cone from Baskin Robbins. I will window shop at Build A Bear Workshop, and yes, I will leap for joy for when I see a new bear in stock.

I guess the point is: I feel like a lot of times people just let their youth run away from them. Personally, I feel the strain of society constantly asking me to be more mature. Of course, I will suffice. But, I’m not willing to give it all away anytime soon. I have plenty of days in the future to be mature and worry about bills and timeshares—or whatever you adults do now-a-days. I will laugh out loud when I want to. I will say “That’s What She Said” when its appropriate and I will still push off to ride the grocery cart on the way to my car at the store. Hey…I’m only 19. I have an estimated 67.1 years to be old (according to the Social Security website)…I’m not ready to grow up just yet.

Thanks for reading,

Yin