What does the world want?

I must start out by saying that I am bit of a pessimist (it is my nature). In past years, I talked myself into negative views on life that I am still unable to talk myself out of. It’s funny how that works. Of course, I try to stay positive as much as possible, especially socially because, honestly, no one wants a “debbie downer.” But I think tonight, I might be a little bit of a “debbie downer”…fair warning.

More often, I find myself questioning what the world really wants from me. I feel like my entire being, since the moment I set foot in this world, has been encompassed with expectations. They come in all shapes and size. They are virtually everywhere…

Be kind. Be pretty. Be smart. Get an education. Travel the world. Do what makes you happy. Fall in love. Complete a forty million word essay by Thursday. Publish a manuscript. Gain experience. Do the laundry. Cook dinner. Pay your bills. Splurge a little. Make money. Make an impact. Commit. Be on time. Present yourself well. Read more often. Eat healthy…it goes on, and on, and on…I honestly don’t know where this blog is going, but this is something I’ve pondered for months now. What does the world want from me?

A quote that really represents this feeling: “There’s no way I was born to just pay bills and die.” – unknown

Maybe it’s just me. I’m worried about every little thing. I have to question every moment, every decision, every choice, every thing about life itself…and damn…it’s getting really old. Isn’t time for answers by now? Can the world just tell me what it freaking wants from me? Can I take five seconds to feel like everything that I’m doing has a purpose?

I feel as though the world expects so much from me. Every piece of my being is filled with frustration, and I’m about to snap. I am drowning, but when do I get to rise up for air?

I am such a pushover.

I realize that I am literally letting the entire world swallow me up whole.

We all have our days, I’m sure. Days that we just can’t understand what the world wants from us, and we just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. But I think this is how we are defeated.

I think that the world is harsh—although there is beauty and pleasure, there is also ugly and pain.  I believe there are two sides to each story, and you never get to like both. People say the world isn’t fair, but isn’t it? You can’t get everything you want…(unfortunately).

Because of this, I think the world is naturally trying, and sometimes it can be almost be a fight to the death. As humans, the only power we have over our circumstances is hope.

In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., “we must accept infinite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”

So when I question the world, I must reconsider. It is as simple as that. I must remember that there will be good days and that there will be bad days, and that the only thing that will get me through it all is hope. 

I suppose that this is the battle I am presently facing. In the midst of new beginnings, endings, and trying days, I am still desperately grasping for hope. I do this daily, and as a human, I have no better trial than to continue this until the world gets a little bit easier.

Thanks for reading,

Yin

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